Friday, November 9, 2012

Walmart--A Poem and a Warning

I went to Walmart today after work.  I thought it was early enough that I wouldn't suffer the usual mine fields that accompany a trip to Walmart.  I was wrong.  Last time I was there, some crazy person with very bad parking skills and a very large truck parked so close to my door that I couldn't get in the driver's side.  I'm too old and too a-few-other-things to easily vault the center console in my SUV.  I was not very happy.  And for some reason, they have decided that 80 degrees is a comfortable temperature for the place.  I stand in the meat aisle as an intermission just to keep from hurting someone or bursting into flames in the last 30% of the store. 

So while I was getting the stuff the family can't live through the weekend without, I entertained myself by writing a poem.  

Dear Walmart

Oh Walmart, Walmart,
How I hate thee!!
You irritate, torment
And frustrate me.

Your people are mean.
Your parking stinks.
Customer service is bad.
That’s what everyone thinks.

Your “guests” are so snarly!
But it only seems fair,
Because nobody ever
Wants to go there.

By the time I get out,
I just want to cry.
I sit in my car, bang my head
And ask, “WHYYYYYYY!!!???”

No offense to nice hardworking
Folks you employ.
I’m sure their mean coworkers
Give them no joy.

I wish I could find
A new place to shop
That has as much stuff
In one single stop.

But I’m giving you warning
That until I do
I’ll go on despising
And rhyming ‘bout you.

Fix it! I mean it!
Straighten up your act!
Because one day we might not
Ever come back.

Somehow, at the end of the trip, I felt so much better than usual. Perhaps I'll write a poem every time I go there.

May the good Lord bless you today with great customer service, fresh produce, well-stocked pantries and peaceful shopping experiences

<3 Lori


  1. You never fail to make me laugh! Sorry you had a rough trip to Walmart, but happy it resulted in a giggle for me!

  2. Hysterical!! I hear you on the parking situation! I actually scratched my car one time in a parking lot of another big box store because someone had wedged a shopping cart between my car and the next on the passenger side. I never thought to walk around the car to look (although I do now) and that cart left a big gash in my car (not the other one fortunately!!). So I am not a fan of the big box stores. But unfortunately it is nice to be able to go to one place and find most of what you are looking for. PS- Target has a better parking lot, and waaaaaaaay nicer people working there!!!

  3. Hilarious, Lori, and all so true!!

  4. I can see a Dr.Suess book in the making, illustrated not unlike the Sneetches... Marvellous.

  5. Love that! I only go to WalMart at gunpoint...but I'm going to pen your poem on my hand if I find myself there so I can smile through the experience. xxoo

  6. This cracked me up because I despise Wall-Mart and refuse to shop there. Sadly, there was a day when it was a wonderful place to shop and work. I went to college in Arkansas and worked at a local Wall-Mart on their computer at night during the week. We even got a visit from Sam one day. It was so much better when he was alive. Thanks for the funny poem!

  7. AH you captured many of my feelings in your kooky poem!


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